You
by Jonesy219
Summary: After the events of OMWF, a night at the beach brings Buffy the truth about her relationship with Spike.


She looked out into the water, thoughts of last night's events burning in her mind. She sat perched on a large rock, the black waves rushing up to the beach every once in a while to lick the sides of her small island. Her black dress billowed around her in a cloud of satin.  
There was no pain  
No fear no doubt,  
Till they pulled me out  
Of heaven It was too much. Her whole life an unfolding drama, each time making her pain more unbearable, isolating her from her loved ones. She was darkened. An innocent young girl turned into a hardened young woman; eyes that used to be full of mirth turned into hard chips of gray ice. There was nothing they could do for her now. It was all in vain. There was no more spark, nothing to live for anymore. She wiped at the lone tear creeping out of her eye. There was the occasional fire, an inferno once. But it always died out. They always left her cold.  
I touch the fire and it freezes me  
I look into it and it's black  
Why can't I feel? My skin should crack and peel  
I want the fire back "Beautiful," a voice whispered softly. Buffy whipped her head around, looking for the source. Spike stood a few feet away, gazing into the ocean. He turned to look at her. She expected him to be like the others; asking what was wrong, what he could do to help. But he didn't. He just walked over to her, his bare feet leaving perfect imprints on the wet sand. He sat down next to her, glancing over at her momentarily and then returning his gaze to the glassy waves of the sea. "I hurts you, doesn't it. Not being able to tell them," he said, making more of a statement than asking a question. Buffy gathered her legs together and rested her chin on her knees, closing her eyes. "More than you've ever guessed," she whispered. Something tugged at her brain, reminding her that those words had been spoken before.  
There's a traitor here beneath my breast  
And it hurts me more than you've ever guessed  
If my heart could be, it would break my chest He looked over towards her. She sat there on the rock with the moon reflecting on her skin, making it paler than usual. Her hair blew around her face, gently caressing her cheeks. The black dress she wore stood out against her pale flesh. She was beautiful. An angel. He would never have her; she belonged to her friends, laughing and playing in the sun. What could he offer her? Nothing but shadow and misery.  
Being with you touches me  
More than I can say  
But since I'm only dead to you  
I'm saying stay away Buffy's broken laugh ruptured the silence. Spike looked to her, confused, and his heart almost broke when he saw tears sliding down her cheeks. "It's funny, really," she said. Spike cocked his head to the side. "What, luv?" he asked gently. "I find myself telling my friends less and less lately. I mean, do you know that when we were in that singing demon's lair and I told-no, sang that I was in heaven, you were the only one who knew? I mean, it's just kind of funny that you're the only one I can trust with something like that," she said. Spike looked away, pain evident in his eyes. She noticed. "I don't mean..." she started. "S'all right. I understand," Spike said, his hurt evident in his voice. He stood and attempted to leave with some dignity, sliding off of the rock and walking towards the parking lot. "Spike, wait!"  
I died  
Many years ago  
But you can make me feel  
Like it isn't so He stopped, knowing she would make him if he didn't. They both stopped and listened to the waves hitting the beach for a moment, waiting for who would say the first word. "You know what's really funny, pet? A soulless demon in love with a Slayer," Spike said. Buffy's heart jumped at the use of love, but she fought it down. "I didn't ask for that," she replied, the words slipping out from her tongue before she could stop them. She looked at the ground. Spike turned around slowly, his face masked in a deadly calm. "And you think I did? I asked to be tormented every day with your face, your voice, your scent, knowing that not one smile or sign of acknowledgment will ever be sent to me? Knowing that I can never touch you, hold you, kiss you?" Spike demanded angrily, forcefully reminding her of the kiss they had shared the night before. A tiny voice in Buffy's head screamed that he was right, but she silenced it. She looked up from her feet, trapped in the fierce glare of Spike's azure eyes. She opened her mouth, and shut it tight again. "Go ahead. Deny it, Slayer. Say that you never came to me, and that you and I never kissed," he said, his anger barely contained. Buffy looked away.  
This isn't real  
But I just wanna feel... "It was a spell, Spike. Nothing more. You and me...we were caught up in the music," Buffy whispered. Spike shook his head. "It was more than that, and you bloody know it!" Spike yelled. Buffy stood there, shocked and more frightened than she would admit. Spike stalked towards her, keeping his stare trained on her as she started walking backwards. Her back went up against the rock she had sat on before, and she was pressed up against it. Spike stopped in front of her, something unidentifiable gleaming in his eyes. Buffy opened her mouth just in time to receive a crushing kiss to her lips. She moaned, and Spike growled and deepened the kiss. Their tongues battled, and when Spike stopped to let Buffy breathe she blushed, flustered. "Now tell me that didn't mean anything to you," Spike growled softly. Buffy couldn't speak, afraid of what she would say. This shouldn't happen. I'm the Slayer for Christ's sake! He shouldn't have this sort of power over me! She thought frantically. Spike stared into her wide hazel eyes, and then slowly bent to her neck. She could feel her pulse racing, and she knew that he knew it was also. He kissed the base of her neck, moving his way up to the line of her jaw. "Who did you kiss last night?" he demanded in-between kisses. Buffy stammered, trying to focus her attention on anything else. "Y-you," she gasped. Spike bit her lightly on the jaw, then asked "Who did you provoke that night in the Bronze?" he asked. Buffy was confused for a minute, then remembered when Faith had switched bodies with her. Still, was it just Faith, or was it already there to begin with? "You," she sighed. Spike stopped and looked into her eyes, his expression serious. He picked up her chin and held it in his hand, tilting her face up so that she had to look into his eyes. "Who do you have feelings for, no matter how much you deny it?" he whispered softly. "You," Buffy whispered softly. A wide grin spread across Spike's face. He dipped down and kissed her on the lips, and then headed towards his motorcycle in the parking lot. Buffy stood there, her face going from surprise to anger to amusement. This is going to be a very strange relationship, she thought. She grinned. Maybe this was the one fire that wouldn't burn out. Spike pulled his boots out of the bag on his bike and put them on, then swung his legs around to sit on the leather seat. He was only partially surprised when Buffy jumped on the back, dress and all. "You're coming along, pet?" Spike asked, handing her a helmet. Buffy smirked and put the helmet on, replying "You didn't think you were just gonna leave me there, did you?" She asked. Spike laughed and revved the motorcycle up, flooring the gas and roaring out of the parking lot. The ocean waves continued to hit the beach as the moon shone brightly above, silent witnesses to the night's events.  
Where do we go from here? 


End file.
